Anlegestelle Binnenküste

22. Januar 2012

Summertime / and the livin' is easy / fish are jumpin' / and the cotton is high / Your daddy's rich / and your mamma's good lookin' / So hush little baby / don't you cry // One of these mornings / you're going to rise up singing / Then you'll spread your wings / and you'll take to the sky // But till that morning / there's a'nothing can harm you / with daddy and mamma standing by (Gershwin: "Summertime")

And now we realise how we’re gettin’ older. Suddenly we’re not children anymore, we have to make our lives work and they’re no children’s lives. It’s hard to understand – Yesterday… all these troubles seemed so far away (The Beatles: "Yesterday") Don’t get me wrong! I don’t wanna be a child again, I don’t wanna go to school again (definitely not) and just as definitely I don’t wanna have to ask my parents if I wanna stay out late or not return at all for some days and nights or anything else, any other tiny thing.
I want – I enjoy my right to decide myself which steps I’ll take and to be the only one responsible for my actions. I want all this and I am grateful that my way out there still is so sheltered.
But every now and then I feel frightfully scared and alone. It all seems so very hard – one year ago I knew nothing about all the pain and grief and the sorrow that is waiting outside bang bang he shot me down bang bang I hit the ground bang bang I’m not saying it’s bigger than the pain that’s tormenting children, but it’s different.
As a child hopefully you learn to cope with the fear and the pain and once you’ve succeeded you think nothing in the entire world can harm you now.
And you grow older and bang bang – that awful sound! bang bang (Nancy Sinatra: "Bang Bang") new horrors arise on your way.
But it’s just something / we have no control over / and that’s what destiny is / but no more worries / rest your head and go to sleep / Maybe one day we’ll wake up / and this will all just be a dream
One day you learn that you’ll never be able to fight off all dreads – one day you’ll accept it.

It’s okay.

But when I first realised that, I was unnameably terrified.
Sometimes – very seldom! – I wish I’d still believe that my parents could fix everything.

Now hush little baby don’t you cry
Everything’s gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady
I told ya, daddy’s here to hold ya
Through the night

And sometimes I think about how someday I’m gonna have children and how I’ll do everything to shield them from the evils of the world as long as I can. And if you ask me to / daddy’s gonna buy you a mocking bird / I’ma give you the world / I’ma buy a diamond ring for you / I’ma sing for you / I’ll do anything for you to see you smile / And if the mockingbird don’t sing / and the ring don’t shine / I’ma break that birdy’s neck / I’ll go back to the jewler who sold it to ya / and make him eat every karat / Don’t fuck with dad! (Eminem: "Mockingbird") And how my children will believe in me and how some day I won’t be able to do so anymore! And how they’ll see this betrayal and how they’ll have to cope with that and how I’m not gonna be able to help them managing that deine Eltern könn’n dir nichts anbieten außer nur darüber zu reden (Prinz Pi: "Tief")
And then I’m sad and scared again.

I wanna take wing!
I just never thought of the thunderstorms, that’s all.

Ich hatte früher schon einmal einen Blog ("TheFeetUnderMyStreet") und möchte in diesem neuen Blog einige der alten Texte gerne noch einmal unterbringen. Deswegen werden die ersten Texte ausgewählte "alte" sein; bald kommen aber auch neue.
Es geht los! Ich blogge wieder :-D

ChaosChroniken 21. Januar 2012

Du musst nach Werten leben,
hinter den’n du stehn kannst,
nur ein gutes Fundament hält das aus
ein Leben lang. (Marc Reis: "Stolz auf dich")
Sich entscheiden und dann dafür einstehen. Darüber nachdenken, vois sur ton chemin, und das Risiko auf sich nehmen, die Konsequenzen tragen. Stolz. Ehrlich.
Selbst wenn ich einen Bleistift verwende, streiche ich die Worte und Sätze und Buchstaben, Texte durch, ich schreibe mit Kugelschreiber, wasserfest. Denn ich will nicht vergessen, warum ich lachte, warum ich weinte. Ich will nicht radieren können, ich will den Mist sehen.
Und wenn am Ende ein fleckiger Chaosband liegt, werde ich mich für mein Lebenswerk nicht schämen.
Ich werde barfuß heiraten.
Auf meiner Beerdigung soll niemand schwarz tragen! Auf meinem Grabstein steht Sigh not so / but let me go / and be you blithe and bonny / converting all your sounds of woe / into hey nonny nonny (Shakespeare: "Much ado about nothing)
Und auf dem Stein wird eine Möwe sitzen.